22 Days of summer

That's what's between my last blog and this one. And quite frankly, if I hadn't already spent the entire day outside and in under that big yellow orb of fire, I'd still be out there.

So here's the scoop, I just had a big-ass mud pie blizzard from DQ, so I'm kinda jacked up on sugar and whatever else those clowns put in those things; never know when there's a bunch of teenagers working the counter.

So like, this weekend has been the culmination of the classic Maine summer days. Wanna know why? I mean, what could bring this on? No, it wasn't lobstah, we did that last week, nor was it lobstah boat races, which I still haven't seen. I'm talking blue berries. There's an open space across the lake that maintains organic blue berry fields. Most of them are harvested commercially, though for a couple of weekends in July they open up certain parts to the public. Last weekend was the pay pick where you could show up with a blueberry rake, which looks more or less like the sheet metal dustpan I made in 7th grade shop with an oversized clipper blade along the front. These little devices however, are not allowed the second weekend, which is hand-pick only and *free*. That's right, free organic all-you-can-pick blue berries. Holy shit! So Raelin and I hit it yesterday morning. Got kind of a late start, though still got a couple hours in and came home with just over 5 pounds. Keep in mind these things go for about $7/pound at the local co-op. Not only did I (and I say I because while Raelin did actually get *some* berries into the containers, mostly she just hung out and stuffed her little belly) pick a shit pot of berries, but Raelin had a total blast living out one of her favorite books "Blueberries for Sal." She could often be heard muttering bits of the story and saying "kuplink, kuplunk" as she dropped berries into her tupperware. When it was time to leave I had to carry her out of the field as she wouldn't get up and walk out on her own. And this was like over 2 hours later. Keep in mind that the attention span of a 3 year old is usually about a minute or five. To do nothing but sit still and eat and talk about blueberries for over 2 hours? Simply amazing. So amazing that we got an earlier start and heading back up this morning; this time with even more containers. We were there over 3 hours this time and picked a whopping 8.5 pounds. Near the end she started getting a little cranky and tired, but man if we'd had some lunch and some shade, I think she could have spent the entire day up there. So, yeah, we now have 3 gallons of frozen organic berries in the freezer, as Raelin says, so that we will have food for the winter...

The other kick ass thing that happened this weekend was our midwives' annual summer baby potluck. The own a camp on a large pond/small lake about 45 minutes away. Their place has a little dock, and out on the end of the dock, a 7' diving platform. And yes, it is for full-on diving. You can do this because right under the dock, there's a little submerged topographic feature from the glacier days; the bottom drops from oh maybe 7 or 8 feet to 108 feet. That's right, there's a 100' under water cliff about 15' from shore. I'm glad I didn't know this before I jumped off the tower for the first time as I know have a chronic case of the heebie jeebies thinking about that. I mean, just think of all the crazy Loch Ness space alien Abyss shit that could be living 100 feet down in a Maine lake. It's not like anyone's ever been down there to see, not that you could as the water's not *that* clear. But fuck me, 108 feet deep. Just creepy.

On other fronts, we've decided to move. Not immediately, but sometime in the next few years, we think. We're thinking out into the country a bit more, and up into the hills a bit more. There's a top secret town, which will remain unnamed that has an absolutely stunning river running though it, lots of near by lakes, and it's quiet. There's even a general store. It's about 20-30 minutes from any of the major towns, which is kind of a drag and means that broad band options are very minimal. Like most likely satellite or T1, neither of which I'm crazy about. Well, I'd love to have the pipe of a T1 though just don't want to throw down the cash for it. Anyhow, Kelly found an amazing house in this town (at least it looked amazing on the listing), though I poo-pooed it because I foolishly thought this town was too far out and kind of like hick-ville (which it may well be, I don't know). However, after seeing the place (town, not house) I'm like, this is the place for us. So we've checked some listings, will probably go check a couple out just to get back in the game and get a feeling for what's out there. Definitely not the best time to be selling a house right now, from what I understand, though our place should go pretty quick with every thing it's got going for it. And with everything it's got going for it, you may be wondering why we'd want to leave? There's a couple of reasons: 1. roads 2. noise. See, even though we only live a few minutes from town, the only road to get there is pretty much insane to ride or walk on. I'll do it, though wouldn't want the kids to do it until they're like 15 or 16. So much for proximity if you have to get in a car and drive every where. The other thing, noise, is perhaps more petty, though none-the-less very important. Right now there's the white roar of the highway across the lake, and the whine of jet skis, screams of people jumping into the lake and the occasional small-dick-owner boat with exceptionally loud exhaust. These are the sounds of summer here and it drives me nuts. Especially after spending time other places this weekend. So that's the scoop.

Let's see, on other fronts things are good. My dad's condition continues to improve overall; still some bumps in the road but really, his recovery is nothing short of miraculous. Obviously some serious protection and guidance happening through this one. I'm slowly getting caught up on work stuff after taking the better part of a month off for Liam's birth and then my dad's accident. Still only working 4 days a week, though been bringing back the late nights and think those will stick around for a bit.

And the big thing, family is doing great. Liam is over 18 pounds now, which is quite big for a 12 week old baby. Raelin's overall really great. She's especially great when not cooped up in the house for hours on end. Kelly and I had a great chat the other night about her and the kids just getting outside more, away from here. Raelin does so great in the woods, etc where her imagination can just fly and there's so much to engage her intensity. At this time of year with the heat and dryness we've had the last couple of days the bugs get totally hammered, so with a little bug stuff on being out in the woods shouldn't be so bad. There's some great spots I know of that R would absolutely love that are just a short walk from a trailhead, so hoping they can do that a bit more. Perhaps I can cut out for a few of them as well.

Yeah, life is good. Very, very full, though oh-so-sweet. Summer just kicks so much ass!!!

Where To Begin...Where To End?

It's hard to believe a month has gone by since my dad's accident. The days and weeks have blurred into emails, phone calls, drives to the hospital, the highs of good days and the bitterness of the bad ones. I knew it was going to be a long haul, we all did, though just not sure I could have possibly known how long it would be, especially for my folks. Because really, when it comes down to it, my priorities are here now, with my young and growing family. That's a hard pill to swallow when I see my dad incapacitated in bed and my mom and brother beyond maxxed...

However, all is not doom and gloom here. On the contrary it's a stunning Maine summer, though the dog *did* manage to get herself skunked again last night. Guess she'll just spend the rest of the summer outside =)

Seriously though, this has been the longest stretch my family's been together in I can't remember how long, and that's certainly worth something. There's an intimacy that grows when the daily routine is shared, when life's little bumps and hops are experienced first hand. It's not something I take lightly, and it makes me feel each of those 3000 miles between the homes we've chosen. Not sure I would go back, and I know I'd miss so much of the people and place that is Maine if I were to ever leave. This is the place my daughter has grown and my son was born. It's the place we planted the forsythia I gave Kelly for mothers' day on top of Liam's placenta. It's the place that I sit wearing nothing but a sarong from 6:00 in the morning to 10:00 at night in these lazy summers, and then dream of these days in the depth of winter just as I dream now of long carves on my snowboard...

There's also the huge bonus of positively absolutely knowing that my family is not in this thing together. There have been more moments of pure Grace this last month than in many years strung together as friends new and old and even total strangers stop to make sure we know of their support. More people than I know or can count pray daily for my dad and for us, one of Kelly and my communities out in CA in a heartbeat chipped in money to get J out here for a week to help out as we figured out this latest curve in life's road and we had offers from 2 more people to come out if needed. The flower delivery person for the hotel had to come up and meet my dad as she'd never seen so many deliveries, and the mail person joked that he needs his own delivery person. Every inch of pinnable wall space is taken up, and growing parts of the smooth walls as well with cards. It just rolls on and on; I couldn't imagine doing this alone...

Somewhere in the midst of all of this Raelin turned 3 and is navigating the transition between baby/toddler/preschooler. For the most part she's amazing and wonderful and a joy, though like all of us she has her moments of not those things, and I as a parent have my moments of not those things with her. At times it's so hard to remember how little she really is, how hard/impossible it is for her to understand some of the most basic things, and just how hard she tries and how amazingly frustrating it must be to try and try and try and still fail or be told "no" or "why don't we do this instead?" When I look at it this way I feel somewhat like an ass; for it is I that knows that path through this life, I that has the internal tools, and yet I so easily get pulled into results-focused power struggles with her often over the littlest things. I suppose a big part of it is the overextension, though I think more than that it's me taking the easy way out; conflict is always easier than collaboration. It's always easier to define in opposition than proactively define and hold new space, and when it's early after not enough sleep or the end of a long day when everyone's wiped it's that much harder to take that breath and get to the place of "there's a better way to do this, a more right way that won't leave us hurt." Kelly's a lot better at it than I am, though she also has a lot more practice =)

So yeah, it's hard to believe the summer's already 1/3 gone, and the rest will fly by, then the leaves will change and fall as we plunge into another winter, then spring and back to summer with a 4 year old and a 1 year old. Having kids makes the acceleration of time as we get older more poignant; I couldn't imagine feeling that while living a life that wasn't built on love and joy...